My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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