just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
