Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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