You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
