FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
