she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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