Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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