The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
