bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
