help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
