I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm bleeding and have questions
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
