guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
