Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
