operation harelip BJ is a go
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
