I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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