i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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