you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
