So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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