I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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