I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
