even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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