so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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