This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
