dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
