If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
