Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
