some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
