Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
