I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
