i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
