There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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