i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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