Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
