I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
