i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
