So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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