He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
