my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Randomize
