He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
