you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
