Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
