Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
