i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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