I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
