I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
