I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
