They should really pass out barf bags in church
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
