There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
