i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
