If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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