it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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