Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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