Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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