You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
