Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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