I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
