In the future we'll all be gay
false alarm. still invincible.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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