I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
