2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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