i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
