You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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